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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are usually succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his conduct, making him especially susceptible to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion by himself. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding The Condition

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for more than a century, definitions vary what people refer to as the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, noting the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people keep it private, as there is significant negative perception around the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through actions such as displaying material goods,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

While up to 75% of people found to have the condition are men, studies points out this number does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, just kind of like everything in society,” says an individual who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she says, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her past. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures as a child. I’ve had to teach myself continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were insulting me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual explains when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his GP, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: “They said it is probably going to be in a few months.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his condition, because “prejudice is common that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, in his own mind, he has embraced the diagnosis. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. Each individual have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of online advocates and the expansion of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number