These Phrases shared by A Parent That Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - spending a short trip away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."